i am yet again behind the race. I had already become one lap late than the leaders and now the leaders have taken a lead in this lap too.
How depressing but obvious is that? With my kind of attitude, the only thing i deserve is to be at the bottom of the finished list if I ever finish the race that is. Everyone knows that! so why am i depressed?
“Not a big deal” some people might say. And more often than not those few people are my own other egos from within myself. In my imaginary world made up of losers, I am the winner. They have this dumb belief that I can never loose. And yet, on the outside I keep failing and they keep boosting don’t worry mate, next time.
When will the next time come nobody knows, but the imaginary losers are always there to cheer me on for yet another no aim path that i often pursue to make myself feel good.
Funny as it sounds, I write only when i am really down. when things have gone out my hands to a point of no return. Everyone reading my writings that I think I would leave behind as the only mark of my own will come to believe that I was a sadistic looser caught up in worldly pleasure without even a blur image of wot he wanted to be.
When will this course end if ever it does? A question whose answer I have hopelessly surrendered to the hands of Mr. Fate. Till then, I will always be this miserable fuck. love u all. take care. Adios!