Again Incomplete

Number of times now; I have lost count how many times have I withdrawn from the endeavours in their very beginings. I have never given myself or the task any chance to assess whether I really like them, or it was just a rush of a blood that led me so passionately to start these works in the first place. There are so many things that have not been updated, my studies in several courses, included.

This blog adventure of mine is just one of these painstakingly (painstaking not because i worked pretty hard at it, but because I never or seldom gave any time to it) incomplete endeavours. If you read my first blog, you would know, I had promised you all and myself that there would be a new one everyday or every week atleast. And, few months later, here I am struggling to publish even a single in a month.

Struggle is the word. Everyday, I struggle with myself to achieve that degree of perseverance required to achieve or get something done. And, I end up doing nothing. And, I still feel like I need or deserve a vacation from all these things that I am (have been) doing. Then, I ponder upon and try to remember what was the last task that I had completed without any compromise. I am still trying to remember…

A person once told, “Perseverance is the key to success”. It is true allright. It is also true that I dont have that key to unlock the locks latched at the doors of success. The only alternative left for me therefore is to keep on looking for options, keep on taking new adventures, untill I stick with one and hope that the passion of mine for that job will teach me how to endure pain in order to achieve something that is worthwhile of taking that pain.

Dad always says, “I am incompetant”. I will never believe in that because I dont want to. But, I cant ignore what my creator has observed in me. I might be incompetant but only in the fields that I have failed to realize that they meant a lot to me. The sad part is I have failed to do that a several times now.

For me, the reason the way I am right now, is not because I lack perseverance or competancy, but my inability to finish off the task that I have started. Because, you are in a position to assess your competancy and perseverance put into the task only when you complete it. To know how far behind you were from the winner of a race you need to actually finish the race, Abandoning it will never let you know where you stand in the real world.

I pray to the god, that it gives me the power to achieve what I set to achieve. May the lord pashupatinath bless me and us all.

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