I have been thinking hard why I wanted to blog about this topic. When I was climbing the stairs of C.C today, I was 100% sure that I was going to write about this topic today. This was one of few times when I have been so decisive in the past couple of years. And, yet when I typed the topic and tried to roll my fingers on the keyboard to write about it, my fingers stuck!
I was not sure why I was writing about it. Probably, because I was really scared today. After all I saw my marks in couple of the subjects and have faced with a possibility of flunking in both of them. Or, I have been so worried about my future for past couple of weeks and that to is a consequence of my poor academic performance in this fucked up college.
When I say, my college is fucked up, its just an excuse. And its just a way of shoving away from my own responsibility. Its amazing of human nature that when he does something to be proud of, how he feels that the whole world had nothing to do with it; and when he fails in something, he believes that the whole world is conspiring against him/her. So, that I think should sum up why I blame my college for whatever that has gone wrong with me.
And, that is why I am scared. I am scared of myself. This fear inside me is multiplying with every passing moment, even as I realize that I have seriously failed to identify myself and my career prospects. Yet another failure. And, one of the most agonising fear of mine.